The Bonding Patterns in Relationship

We are taught many lessons about how to improve relationships. We learn what to say and how to say it . But this is only a part of what we need to know. The basic teaching of this work - and the basic message brought to us by our bonding patterns - is: “It’s not what you say, but who says it!” The challenge here is the search for the “who” it is - in ourselves and in the other - that is doing the talking. And the map we use in this search is what we call “the bonding pattern”.
Bonding Patterns are our default positions in relationship; they occur when specific selves in us take over the steering wheels of our psychological cars and we are no longer the drivers. These are patterns that can be discerned in all our relationships - intimate and otherwise. They function generically - as do the default settings on our computers - and do not reflect our “Preferences” or who we are. They are natural, human, and quite predictable.

Once we have a sense of how they operate, these bonding patterns offer a simple and direct way of recognizing what is happening in our relationships - especially the more challenging ones. This way of looking at our interactions with others makes every relationship an opportunity to open up exciting new possibilities for our own personal growth and for our relationships with those around us.

This two-and-a-half-hour mp3 is a conversation between Hal and Sidra Stone in which they discuss these patterns and reflect upon their many years of working with them. With explanations, real-life examples of bonding patterns (some from their own lives) and the dreams that can accompany them, they present an up-to-date look at the work that began so many years ago with the recognition of these patterns as they emerged in their own relationship.

Hal and Sidra Stone have very different learning styles - very different ways of growing. Hal’s process has always been the more internal one - the teachings come through in his dreams and, basically, his process is quite intra-psychic. For Sidra, learning has been more interactive and interpersonal. Her relationships - and their challenges - have always been her major source of new material, new insights, and psycho-spiritual growth.

Bringing these two approaches together has been an enormously rich experience for both of them. And the longer they work with these bonding patterns in relationship, the more they are impressed with the mathematical accuracy and the power of this non-judgmental, no-fault approach to our relationships.